Understanding the Kubler-Ross Theory of Grief
Part 4: The Bargaining Stage
Bargaining is a stage where we attempt to negotiate with ourselves or a higher power to reverse or lessen the loss. It’s a way of seeking control in a situation that feels uncontrollable.
What Bargaining Looks Like:
Bargaining often involves “if only” statements: “If only I had done this differently,” or “If
only I had been there.” These thoughts reflect a desire to change the past and avoid the reality
of the loss.
Why Bargaining Happens:
Bargaining is a response to the helplessness we feel after a loss. It’s an attempt to regain
control and find meaning in the situation. By making promises or thinking about what could have
been done differently, we try to cope with the pain and uncertainty.
Coping with Bargaining - here are some strategies to help cope with bargaining:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognize that bargaining is a normal part of grief. It’s okay to have these thoughts and feelings.
- Reflect on Reality: Remind yourself that you did the best you could with the knowledge and resources you had at the time. It’s impossible to change the past.
- Find Support: Talking to a friend, family member, or therapist can help you process these thoughts and feelings. They can provide perspective and reassurance.
- Focus on the Present: Engage in activities that ground you in the present moment. Mindfulness and meditation can help reduce the focus on "what if" scenarios.
- Create Meaning: Find ways to honor the memory of what you've lost. This might include creating a memorial, participating in activities they enjoyed, or volunteering for a cause they cared about.
In the next article, we’ll explore the fourth stage of grief: Depression. Understanding this stage can help in managing the profound sadness that often accompanies loss.
